Ventilation

So, I've been going baby crazy these past few months. Everyone's having babies and they are so cute and perfect. I don't want a kid, per se, but I think I finally realize what I am feeling. When you have a kid, you have someone that needs you, someone that makes you feel important, someone that can't live without you. I don't have anyone like that, and seeing everyone else have that is really bringing me down. Having someone that needs you is so great that I often wonder what I'm missing out on. I mean, I want kids someday, but not now. So, what am I supposed to do until that day? And its not like I even have a boyfriend, so all this baby talk really is pointless... And some might say "spoil the shit out of everyone else's kids", but I feel weird because they aren't yours, you know? And I never know boundaries. Even with my new baby cousin, Lucas. I didn't know what the boundaries were with him, so I didn't even hold him during our first encounter this Christmas.I feel really stupid that I didn't hold him, but like I said, I felt...out of place. He isn't mine... When my cousins, Molly and Maxwell, were little, they were mine. I took care of them and held them, and up until this summer, I still baby-sat them. I knew there were no boundaries with them. They were practically mine and no one could tell me otherwise. Even their own mother would agree with me. They were mine. 
Then there are your friends who's babies you just want to hold... and never let go, but in the end, they aren't yours and you have to go back home, empty handed and alone. It gets kind of depressing if you think too much into it, and unfortunately, that's one of my biggest issues. I over think everything... But that's all not going to change. I guess I just needed to vent about that because it was all things that no one can change for me. Ventilation is like a rocking chair. It calms out and gives you something to do, but in the end, it takes you no where. Damn rocking chair.